Is this destiny?

"Oni, why are you like this?" He is not sure why he asked this. Part of him hoped that she will make up a pretty lie, say that she is on her period or that this whole thing is a misunderstanding and that tomorrow everything will be back to how it was.

"You know why. Do I need to say it? How much do you plan to torture me?"

Jesse was glad that Oni answered and didn\'t lie but at the same time her words were like knives stabbing into his heart. "I am sorry."

"Liar!", Oni snapped.

"I am not lying. I am sorry that I hurt you."

"Apology accepted. Now please, leave my room."

Jesse\'s eyes widened in surprise. He was not sure if he heard her right. "Accepted? Will you continue doing missions with me?"

"No. I accept that you didn\'t have an intention to hurt me. But that does not mean that I am not hurt."

"What can I do to fix it?"

Oni shook her head. "Don\'t worry about it. My estimates are that by September my feelings for you will fade enough so that I am not emotionally compromised by your presence."

"What if I don\'t want that?"

"What?", Oni thought that her ears are playing tricks on her.

"What if I don\'t want your feelings for me to fade?"

Oni was sure that she is dreaming. But then… her feet are aching and her heart as well, so this is not a dream. Why didn\'t he say this earlier? Oni repeated in her mind not to fall for it no matter how much her heart ached.

"Why are you torturing me?" Oni was upset that her tears swelled again. She told herself not to cry in front of him and here she is… crying a river. But she started talking and she will say what is on her mind and what is in her heart with hope that he will understand and leave her alone. "Jesse, I realized that I was living in a pretty illusion. You need something I am unable to give. Reality hurts. It is tearing me from the inside. However, that is how things are and there is nothing I can do about it. I want you to leave... I don\'t want you to watch me as I break down. Leave."

Jesse reached for her hand, and she jerked it away.

"Don\'t touch me!", Oni screamed. She took a deep breath and continued in calmer tone: "Just… Don\'t touch me. Don\'t you get it? I am not a girl who will be happy just because you touched me. And I can\'t be in a relationship with a knowledge that you have who knows how many women on the side because I can\'t give you what you need."

"It does not need to be that way."

"Are you saying that you will change your ways for me? Because I would not believe it. And even if you actually accomplish that, it will not erase the pain I felt last night… and now… please… leave.", Oni was choking on her tears which were falling relentlessly.

"Let me help you with dressing your wounds.", Jesse gestured to her feet.

"No."

"Don\'t be stubborn. Let me help…"

Jesse reached for her foot, and Oni jumped from the sofa to the side. The carpet threads are soft, but she has open sores and the threads which got inside felt like sharp needles. The pain was unbearable, and her legs gave up on her. Oni grimaced while collapsing on the floor.

In the next moment, Oni found herself in Jesse\'s embrace.

Jesse wanted to repeat to Oni not to be stubborn, expecting her to fight back, but in the next moment he realized that her whole body went stiff. He looked at her face and saw that she is terrified.

"I am not going to hurt you. I will help you to bed. OK?"

Oni didn\'t respond. She didn\'t move a muscle.

Jesse knows that many people who experience violence firsthand have this instinct to freeze when they feel that they are in danger. His heart cracked while wondering how much Oni went through and for months she was still smiling at him like she has no worries in life.

He understood that Oni is a brave warrior and she is able to fight back when it\'s anyone other than him. Because he has a special place in her heart, and he is the only one who can hurt her and put her in this state. And he hurt her. And she is like this because of him.

Jesse cursed himself internally. How can he be this insensitive? He focused on his revenge and acted like nothing else mattered… not even this strong and fragile girl in his arms. But he knows that she matters because through all that darkness in his life, her smile shone through. And right at that moment Jesse firmly decided that he will do everything in his power to make her smile again and to keep that smile on.

Jesse placed Oni gently on the bed and got the cream and gauze which she prepared earlier. He carefully removed the last two bandages and cleaned her feet with a wet towel before applying the cream and wrapping her feet in the gauze.

Neither of them spoke a word and Oni didn\'t move at all.

Jesse pulled a blanket over Oni all the way up to her shoulders and glanced at her face. He saw that she is crying. She is not making any sounds, but those are tears on her face streaming from the corners of her eyes.

He sat on the floor next to the bed. "I will give you company until you sleep off."

"Why?", Oni asked with a whisper.

"Because I can\'t stay away from you."

Oni ducked completely under the blanket. "I hate you."

Jesse nodded. "That is fine. I can live with you hating me." In his mind he added: "…but I can\'t live without you."

Oni cried herself to sleep, and she didn\'t come out of the blanket to check if Jesse is still there or not.

Jesse watched Oni\'s shape under the blanket and every time her shoulders shook, his heart tightened. He had an urge to jump on the bed and pull her in his embrace and hold her tightly and tell her how sorry he is for being stupid. But he knows that it would only make things worse.

Jesse remembers noticing that Oni was looking at him since he arrived with Sarah and Aiden at the beach house. He is the oldest one and most of the kids looked up at him, but Oni was different. Her gaze was full of admiration and warmth. Over time, they interacted more, and he found out that she is an intelligent young woman with pure intentions. He never heard her say anything bad about anyone. And now she told him that she hates him. He really messed up… big time.

Jesse was not aware at what point he drifted off to sleep.

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